Not Here to Save Anyone

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Hi,

While in college I fell hard for a man—back when I thought I was into men—who was a quilt of red flags. He screamed at his mom. He showed up reeking of liquor at 10:30am. He was married. And had a one-year-old.

My unhealed inner child was like “OMG, I have found THE ONE!”

Everyone in my life could see this man was a god-awful choice. My father attempted to disown me. My brother intervened even though he is allergic to feelings. My friends were like “WTF Ang?!!”. My ex-fiancé was disgusted, and not just because he thought we were getting back together.

But instead of running in the other direction, I ran straight into that man’s boozy arms.

The point is, everyone could clearly see the shitstorm I was entering, but they could not make me listen. It was impossible because I did not WANT to listen. The more they pleaded and/or threatened, the more I dug my heels in. The more they outlined my impending terrible future, the more that terrible future became my singular obsession.

They could not save me from myself.

When we started LKE Dojo, we wanted to give the red pill (are we all familiar with The Matrix film? I know some of y’all are half my age) to Women+. We wanted to rush in on our rainbow unicorns and be knight-esses in shining armor, slaying the dragons of misogyny and rescuing hapless damsels+ from their constrictive, limited lives. Hero complex, anyone?

This went very… poorly.

You know what happens when you have the intention of saving people? You become a big ol’ bat signal that screams “HEAR YE ALL VICTIMS, COME FORTH WITH YOUR STORIES OF WOE AND SUCKLE UPON OUR TEATS OF ATTEMPTED HELPFULNESS.”

It turns out people committed to being victims don’t want to help themselves. And guess what? It is impossible to help someone who does not want to help themselves. And it is impossible to save someone who does not want to be saved. And it is a fool’s errand—not to mention arrogant and desperate—to insist on trying.

Something else I learned the hard way several times: If I become obsessed with saving someone else, it is because I am failing to save myself.

Back when I was chin-deep with the alcoholic? I had notions of being a life coach. I yearned to be an advice-giver. If asked for a restaurant rec, I’d spend two hours compiling a list organized by price point and geographic location. If someone lamented their partner’s lack of appreciation, I became obsessed with helping them emancipate themselves. I was so miserable in my own life—and so incapable of helping myself—that I became preoccupied with trying to help others. Weird how that works.

Suffice it to say, we do not want to save anyone anymore. We are not a non-profit or charity or church. We have no interest in saving you. We are not even going to try.

But if you have decided to save yourself? If you have decided to create some amount of positive change and transformation within your life? Then, by all means, here we are with our tools and ideas and experiences. We hope some of it is helpful.

So.

LKE Dojo is not about giving Women+ the red pill.

LKE Dojo is about supporting Women+ who have already swallowed the red pill and find themselves wide awake in a sleeping world.

Don’t come to us to be saved. Come to us because you are saving yourself.

Love,
Angela

P.S. Want to join us in class? We have three classes open to absolute beginners, check out our website for all the information you need!